From Death to Light
by EsmeAmelia
Summary: Leia's feelings as she harnesses the Force in space.


AN: I don't own Star Wars (as you know). Thought I'd attempt to write about one of the more, er, controversial parts of The Last Jedi.

"From Death to Light"

By EsmeAmelia

It was dark.

Leia knew she had to be dead. The last thing she remembered was the blast tearing into the ship and sucking her out into space.

At least she hadn't died at her son's hands.

Why hadn't Ben pulled the trigger?

When she sensed his presence, she thought her life would end at her son's hands just like Han's had, but then there was hesitance. Memories of holding him in her lap flowed through her, maybe her own or maybe his or maybe a memory they were sharing.

Whatever the reason, Ben didn't fire the shot. That knowledge could comfort her a little bit in death.

So cold . . .

Why was it so cold?

Perhaps death was just cold.

It wasn't like she actually knew anything about death.

The chill was seeping through her, extending through the entire length of her being.

It hurt.

The cold was overtaking her.

 _Solidifying_ her.

Something resembling fear – if the dead could still feel fear – crept into her soul. _Stop . . . please . . . it hurts . . . make it stop!_

It was as if her insides had turned to ice and were about to shatter – but she didn't even _have_ insides anymore, did she?

Please, make the pain stop . . . please . . .

Just let her . . .go out . . .

 _Leia, no!_

With those words, Leia would have smiled despite the pain if she still had a body. _Han, I knew you'd be waiting for me._

 _Leia, stop it!_

She was breaking up from the inside. _Please, just take me away from the pain . . ._

 _Leia, YOU'RE NOT DEAD!_

It was as if a stunray had engulfed her entire being. _What?_

 _You're not dead,_ the voice repeated, sounding as panicked as if that statement would be untrue in a few seconds. _Leia, listen, you don't have much time._

The pain was enveloping her. She had to struggle to form words in her thoughts. _What do you mean?_

 _You're dying._

 _Dying . . ._ The word felt like a warm blanket around her soul. _Then take me with you!_ By now she was shrinking into the cold as if it were eating away at her.

 _Leia . . ._ His voice was raspy and weak now. _You don't have to die . . . use the Force . . ._

Use the Force. The Force, which corrupted her father, drove her brother away, enslaved her son. _Please Han, just take me . . . please . . ._

Han's voice was reduced to a whisper. _Can't . . . connect . . . long . . . please . . . use . . . Force . . ._

 _Han, don't leave! Take me with you!_

But he was gone, his words ringing in Leia's soul.

 _Use the Force._

Somehow she found her hand in the dark, its fingers solidified in a curled position, feeling as if the slightest movement would shatter them into pieces.

 _Use the Force._

She was sinking into the cold, into the dark, but she sent her concentration into those fingers as if gripping a lifeline in the ocean.

The fingers twitched.

With that, it was as if a wave of pure, warm energy shot through her.

Her eyes opened.

The stars were all around her, sharper and brighter than she had ever seen them before, as if their light could touch her, and with that came the realization that there was _nothing_ between her and those stars thousands of lightyears away. Everything was silent . . . had she ever experienced this _complete_ silence before? She still felt the cold inside her, but now she strangely didn't mind it – in fact, it seemed to be sending more energy through her.

 _Use the Force._

She reached out. It wasn't like she was controlling anything – more like she was riding a wave of energy and letting it carry her, yet she knew where she was going.

No air.

She should be desperate to breathe, shouldn't she? There should be panicked gasping for any stray oxygen molecules that might be floating through the vacuum, but although her body knew it wasn't breathing, there was no fear.

Further and further, hardly thinking, simply _being,_ that warm energy still rushing through her, guiding her on, faster and faster, her conscious mind barely registering the ship just a short distance away.

 _Use the Force._

No breath, no sound, no gravity, nothing except energy, flowing in her, around her, through her.

She touched the ship.

With that, everything fell away from her. Only when the air came back did her lungs start hurting again from lack of air.

And the dark returned.

THE END


End file.
